Premonition or Mother's Intuition?

I'm up waiting for Caedon to go back to sleep after a bottle.  We're doing cry-it-out tonight and so far it's worked great.  I've done it with both of my other kids and I'm definitely a fan!  Earlier we put him in his pack-n-play about 7:30 and by 8 he was sound asleep.  An accomplishment since he's pretty much been sleeping in our arms since we came home.  His first night he and I ended up sleeping in the glider for 4 hours.  That's not something I can keep up on a nightly basis so I tend to try to get my kids sleeping in their own beds quickly!

Anyway, I will soon do a blog post with Caedon's birth story but tonight I'm just thinking about the pregnancy in general.  I think Brian was the only person who knew that from the beginning this pregnancy felt "off."  I don't know if it was that it took me longer to get pregnant than I expected so it started me off thinking something was wrong or what, but through the entire pregnancy I just expected problems.  I even from the beginning considered delivering at the birthing center because it was closer to the hospital even though I really preferred to do it at home.  But once I got past the awful sickness in the beginning, things were great.  I felt better during this pregnancy, gained less weight, had less swelling and no night-time leg cramping.  But I still couldn't shake the feeling that something would go wrong.

When life went crazy our whole situation I wondered if my feelings had more to do with that than with Caedon but the feelings didn't go away.  Then at 36 weeks I found out he was breech and I thought, "Yep, here we go, this is what I've been feeling!"  But then he turned.  I was thrilled, of course, and assumed we'd continue with the homebirth plan.  After he turned, though, I felt even more unsettled.  I started picturing awful scenarios and felt so unsure about the entire thing.  Suffice it to say, when I ended up in the hospital and then in the operating room for a c-section, I was not entirely surprised.  There was something telling me the entire time that I wasn't going to get the perfect birth I wanted.  But I did get to come home with the perfect baby that I adore, so I am praising God for a plan that was so much better than my own!