Heartbeat

Melissa and I went to my appointment with my midwife on Wednesday morning and they were able to find the baby's heartbeat. It was strong and beautiful. And if I'm going to believe old wives' tales then I would say the baby's a girl because the heartbeat was 160. Not that I think it makes any difference. I love to disprove old wives' tales. Like the one that if you're carrying low it's a boy. Everyone told me Kyler was a boy because I was carrying so low. And he was. But then I carried Melissa even lower and she's definitely not a boy! :)

Wednesday night we were having dinner and Kyler was sitting in the chair next to me and I told him that Melissa and I heard the baby's heart beating that morning and he looked at me and said, "Wow!" and then he laid his head on my tummy to try to hear the heartbeat! It was adorable. I'll have to take him with me to an appointment so he can hear that beautiful sound.

Wednesday night (well, really early Thursday morning...) I woke up about 3:30 in the morning and then my mind just started racing and I had such a hard time getting back to sleep. But what was going through my head was this blog post (I should have just gotten up then and written it. Would have been easier to go back to sleep). Hearing my babies' heartbeats has always and will always turn my mind to abortion. I just don't get it. Maybe because my birth mom was SO young when she got pregnant with me I always think, "That could have been me." I could just not be here because I wasn't convenient and "hey, it's just a bunch of cells, anyway, not a baby" and it's the woman's body, woman's choice. Whatever. It's just a personal topic to me and part of the reason why I can never and will never vote for a political candidate who votes pro-choice. Yeah, I think taxes are important and education is important and all that other stuff. But my Bible says "Do not murder." I honestly don't think God cares all that much about my taxes. I trust that He's going to take care of me regardless of how much or how little I have to pay in taxes. I honestly don't think He cares about our education system all that much. He didn't create taxes and He didn't create schools. But He did create babies and I think He does care how I vote about their sweet little souls.

Which brings me back to "hey, it's just a bunch of cells, anyway, not a baby." If you see an accident or find someone passed out on the ground how do you tell if they're alive? How do hospital personnel know if their patients is in distress? You check the pulse? You mean a heartbeat? You mean that beautiful sound that I heard the other day from a 10 week old bunch of cells that's not a baby? Please. My baby is a living human being. It even already looks like a baby! Yes, God has quite alot of fine tuning to do in developing its body but it's already a beautiful little person. It hurts my heart to think of the number of little people who die every day.

Okay. I'm done with my sermon now. My sweet boy is home sick today so I'm gonna go play Trouble or Memory or something. Oh, yeah, and do the dishes and tons of laundry. That's such a joy. :)

I thought I had figured out how to pretty much control my nausea. Crackers and ginger ale before getting out of bed has helped all week. But today it's back stronger than it's been all week and I feel awful. Ugh. Oh well. Hopefully in the next 3-4 weeks this will pass and we can get on to the FUN part of being pregnant.

I can't wait to start feeling the baby move and sharing that with the kids. They are so excited and Kyler gives the baby hugs and kisses every night before bed. And Melissa loves to look at my pregnancy updates with me on the computer and see how big our baby is (first it was a blueberry, then a bean and now it's a grape. :)).

I know it's not rational but I've been concerned about this pregnancy. I don't know if it's because it took us longer than I expected to get pregnant and I thought there was a problem or because I've had two such easy pregnancies and I just expect something to go wrong this time. I keep thinking of and imagining all that can go wrong. Every time I just have to pray and turn it all over to God. I can't control anything that may happen so there's no use worrying about it. I am considering doing a birth center delivery instead of home birth this time, though, but only because the birth center is closer to the hospital in case something happens. I don't know why it freaks me out so much this time....